The Consciousness of Cancer

An exploration in the consciousness of cancer. More of a notebook, a collection of experiences and hypothesis from my journey from diagnosis to present, and possibly some musings that seem related, from before. These posts are likely not going to be in order as they come through. This is a private unlinked page. Welcome.

If you also have been diagnosed, at any stage, or if you are a cancer care provider, or a loved one caring for someone with cancer, a few guided meditations for you here to enjoy.

A prayer I say all the time

Prayer of Thy Healing Angels
That Is Carried from God by Michael,
Thy Archangel

Pour out, Thy Healing Angels,

Thy Heavenly Host upon me, And upon those that I love,

Let me feel the beam of Thy Healing Angels upon me,

The light of Your Healing Hands.

I will let Thy Healing begin,

Whatever way God grants it,

Amen.

― Lorna Byrne, A Message of Hope from the Angels

What’s Now - poem orb weaver

What’s Now

By Alaya

Is she dying?

What can I do?

Where did she go?

She’s been steady

Always in the same place

Predictable

But then her body changed

I noticed

She rebuilt her web, more beautiful than before

Then disappeared

She molted

Is vulnerable

She ate her web

Recycled her silk

Reused the nutrients she created for herself

Still hiding in the rafters

But last night in the dark

Weaving, weaving, weaving

Her web stronger, more refined, more expansive

She knows what to do

No thought

All on her own

It’s her Nature

What’s next

What’s now

She moves forward

Her rhythm

Her knowing

Of rest

Of spinning silk

Of eating the nutrients her own body created for her future self

Of safe harbor

Of resting in the center of her creation

Simply being herself

She is glorious

I am like her

In my rhythm

Of rest

Of…

Am I dying?

Where did I go?

What can I do?

Of here I am

Molted and new

Vulnerable

Feeding on the creations of my past

Spinning them into what’s next

What’s now

Kitchen Window Box, My Spider! Just after she’d molted. I’d been so worried she had died. She’s teaching me.

Joy on Diagnosis

The radiologist came back to the room. Was I dressed or still in a gown?

I was sitting in the corner, I remember that.

She told me it was cancer.

While the moment froze, suspended like, I filled with sensation and quality of Joy.

Expanding, knowing.

Not the reaction one would expect, but the one I had.

Because I’d known something was wrong and finally the answer?
Or because I knew it was the beginning of a journey adventure of…

…more divine dates

…spelunking into crevices that needed to be discovered within

…I like being bald

…???

I talked to the tumors

Two tumors.

When diagnosed, the first thing I did was talk to the tumors.

Exactly how I work with entities, lineage demons.

It’s an art. And it was effective.

The first one I traced back to the limbic imprints at the time of my birth.

Something I’d known and worked with before with my work with Vibrational Child, my work with women wanting to conceive. The unresolved patterns of the mother imprint on baby’s limbic brain at the moment of birth.

I knew this.

I’d worked with this in myself, too. I thought so. I did.

But there was more I hadn’t unearthed and digested or released.

From my mother, her unresolved pattern.

Just like a demon.

But it wasn’t exactly that.

I found the root of it, the source of it.

6 layers back.

When I found it, acknowledged it, eventually it was satisfied and said, “I’m going to go now.”

And it released, dissolved back to the light.

“Ok,” I said without judgement. With relief.

Tumor two was really different.

More diffuse.

The doctors said, Tumor 2 begat from Tumor 1.

It was smaller in the body, and more ethereal, less personal.

I traced it back to potential energy and frequency.

It too said it would go and did so.